Wednesday, July 18, 2007

If I Were a Book, What Book Would I Be?


According to this harmless little quiz, I am Ulysses, by James Joyce. To wit:

"Most people are convinced that you don't make any sense, but compared to what else you could say, what you're saying now makes tons of sense.

What people do understand about you is your vulgarity, which has convinced people that you are at once brilliant and repugnant.

Meanwhile you are content to wander around aimlessly, taking in the sights and sounds of the city. What you see is vast, almost limitless, and brings you additional fame. When no one is looking, you dream of being a Greek folk hero."
That's fair enough, I suppose. Especially the first paragraph. If only people could hear what's going on inside my head, they'd actually think I'm being quite coherent.

I'm not sure about the Greek folk hero thing, though.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Always a Great Show

This year's Perseid meteor shower is the night of Aug. 12-13. Mark your calendars!

Summer Music

Properly, every summer ought to have an album. Something not too serious, to sing along to, with the windows down and nothing else to do.

Something that reminds you of being half your age, instead of the age you are.

So here it is: a nice, breezy album for the lazy days of July and August:

Coconut Records, "Nighttiming"


Thursday, July 12, 2007

A Great Moment in Baseball History


Ah, yes. Today is one of the high holidays of baseball.

It is the 28th anniversary of Disco Demolition Night at Comiskey Park in Chicago.

Truly one of the great moments in baseball history.

Thank you, Steve Dahl.




Tuesday, July 10, 2007

My Celebrity Crush?

I followed one of those ridiculous links today. One that says, "What does your celebrity crush say about you?" Some schmuck at Yahoo outlined what it says about a man if he finds certain actresses attractive.

I'm pretty sure I don't have a celebrity crush, but I played along. There were only a few specific actresses named. Here's the list:

  • Angelina Jolie
  • Jennifer Aniston
  • Paris Hilton/Lindsay Lohan/Britney Spears
  • Halle Berry/Scarlett Johansson
  • Julianne Moore/Michelle Pfeiffer
  • Pam Anderson
  • Beyonce/J-Lo/Fergie/Janet
  • Any character from Grey's Anatomy (a show I've never seen)
Hmm. I went with Halle Berry. And according to the schmuck this means:
That he has darn good taste. Physically, they (Berry and Johansson) represent classic feminine beauty - their curves, their skin, their heart-stopping faces. That may mean he has very high standards - and seeks relationship perfection.
Oddly enough that's a fair description. I was always been picky about the girls I dated. All of which means absolutely nothing, but there you go.

Friday, July 06, 2007

I Guess When You Have a Billion People ...

you need a 1000-seat bathroom.

They're flush with pride in a southwestern Chinese city where a recently-opened porcelain palace features an Egyptian facade, soothing music and more than 1,000 toilets spread out over 32,290 square feet.

"We are spreading toilet culture. People can listen to gentle music and watch TV," said Lu Xiaoqing, an official with the Yangrenjie, or "Foreigners Street," tourist area where the bathroom is located. "After they use the bathroom they will be very, very happy."

Some urinals are uniquely shaped, including ones inside open crocodile mouths and several that are topped by the bust of a woman resembling the Virgin Mary.

There are also plans to build a supermarket nearby, which will sell toilet-related items, CCTV reported.
"Spreading toilet culture?" Crocodiles? The Virgin Mary? (The jokes, they are too easy!)

But since I don't know if I'll ever be able to use that bathroom myself, I would like to assure Mr. Lu that after I use the bathroom, I am indeed very, very happy.

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

I Found One of These ...

at the supermarket yesterday.

I picked up a box of grapes - you know those clear plastic things they come in these days. I just happened to notice a spider in there, nestled among the grapes. Almost certainly, it had made its home in the grape arbor, gotten picked, packed and shipped, and ended up right there in the store, waiting for me to pick it up.

I didn't recognize it right away - I just thought, "spider." But I didn't want to buy a box grapes with a free arachnid prize, and I didn't want to just put the box back, giving somebody else the gift of a spider-freak-out. So my first thought was to just go tell a store employee about it. I quickly scanned the store to find an employee, and after I sighted her, I glanced down at the box to make sure the spider was still there.

It was at that point that some little part of my brain started jumping up and down, and I thought, "Hey, that spider looks kind of familiar."

See, this widow wasn't gloss-black like the one in the picture here. My grape spider had red and white markings on its back. But a few months ago I happened to be at the library with the girls, thumbing through a kids' book about spiders, when I saw a picture of a black widow unlike any I'd ever seen. It had red and white markings on its back, along with the telltale red hourglass on its belly. I remembered thinking, "I'll be darned. I never knew a black widow could look like that."

Well, ladies and gentlemen, I assure you: They can look like that. Apparently juveniles are especially prone to extraneous markings.

Anyway, I shifted the grape box in my hands, and thankfully Little Miss Widow complied by turning on her back. And there was the little red hourglass, plain as day.
I already knew that widows tend to be very shy, docile spiders, so I wasn't worried about it jumping out and biting me.

I walked over to where the store worker was, but she was helping another customer, so I waited until she finished. I was glad it was an employee I recognized. She always says hi to me and the girls, so it wasn't like she was a complete stranger.

Finally when it was clear I quietly told her about it and showed her the spider. After an initial "No way!" she took the grape box to the back of the store and - we can only assume - disposed of the widow. (She seemed cool about it, so I think she was perfectly capable of carrying out the squishing duties.)

All in all, it was pretty weird. The store employee kept thanking me. She even said that a lot of moms will open those grape boxes right in the store and let their kids eat out of them.

It goes without saying, I was happy to help.