Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Album Title of the Day

Calvin Harris, I Created Disco.


Dead Mean People Suck

For instance, Leona Helmsley:

Helmsley left her beloved white Maltese, named Trouble, a $12 million trust fund, according to her will...

No one [in Helmsley's family] made out better than Trouble, who once appeared in ads for the Helmsley Hotels, and lived up to her name by biting a housekeeper.

She also left her chauffeur, Nicholas Celea, $100,000.
Twelve million for the dog, and only 0.83% of that for the chauffeur. Nice...

But at least she did this:
She ordered that cash from sales of the Helmsley's residences and belongings, reported to be worth billions, be sold and that the money be given to the Leona M. and Harry B. Helmsley Charitable Trust.
I wonder what sort of charities the trust invests in.


Tuesday, August 28, 2007

I Shoulda Been an Entrepreneur

I thought of this idea when I was about 13 years old.

Heck, I'd do it. I'm not proud.

Friday, August 24, 2007

For Sale: My Car in Flames

From the "no good deed goes unpunished" file:

We're trying to sell our car, a '96 Mitsubishi Galant. It's a great car - we've had it 5 years and it has run like a top. We're selling it only because the girls don't fit in the backseat anymore.

Anyway, our next door neighbor says he wants to buy it. Great. That's easy.

As I'm putting the paperwork together for him, I realize that the car is due for an oil change. I think to myself, "It would sure be a neighborly gesture if I change the oil for him before we make the deal." So last night after work I take the car to one of those speedy-lube places and they change the oil.

Except there's one problem: They take off the old filter but forget to put on a new one.

I get in the car, start it up and tell them, "That clicking noise wasn't there before." We shut off the car and they quickly spot the problem. Oil has gushed out where the filter is supposed to be - almost all of it. The car is clicking because it's running without oil.

They apologize profusely, put on a filter, refill the car with oil and send me on my way.

A few blocks later I ask myself, "What's that smell?" After another block or so I can see smoke curling out from under the hood.

I zip back to the speedy-lube and when we re-open the hood, smoke pours out as if Cheech and Chong had been in there instead of the engine.

They apologize profusely again, telling me that the smoke is coming from the burning oil that has splattered all over the engine and exhaust. They rinse it off as well as they can and tell me that, while they couldn't get it all off, there's only a small amount left and it'll just burn off as I drive the car. "It'll be gone by tomorrow," the guy assures me.

Okay, fine.

I decide I'll just take the car out on the highway and burn it off. I figure that at highway speeds the oil will burn off fast and the smoke will dissipate quickly.

But before I can get to the highway the car is smoking badly. As I'm sitting anxiously at a stoplight, two women pull up next to me and one of them yells, "Sir, there are flames under your car."

Okay that's it.

I say "Thanks," pull over, call a tow truck and have them tow the car to my regular mechanic. He assures me he can wash off the oil.

So here I am, trying to sell the car - a great, reliable car - and the damn thing is smoking and flaming because the guys at speedy-lube forgot to install a bloody oil filter.

I don't know what to tell my neighbor: "Oh, those flames and smoke? Ignore them - that'll burn off."

Sheesh.

Friday, August 17, 2007

Bad Luck = Good Luck

I bought this new CD yesterday, "Sun Drenched" by Justin James. Never heard of the guy before - just a random purchase because it looked like a good summer album. Six songs in, it's pretty good. Reminds me of Jack Johnson - same sort of laid-back singer-songwriter-surfer ethic. (I'm guessing Justin James probably gets that a lot.)

Interesting story in the liner notes, though.

The guy didn't play guitar or write songs until he needed something to stave off boredom during an extended rehabilitation, after he nearly got his foot bitten off by a tiger shark. He came close to dying, apparently.

But if not for sharky, the guy wouldn't have a career in music.

Bad luck = good luck. You never know where it's going to come from.

Friday, August 03, 2007

Check Your Green Beans

Here's your friendly safety advisory for the day. Check those cans of green beans because there's a recall due to a - gulp! - botulism risk:

Consumers should not eat certain brands of French-cut green beans because of concerns they could be tainted with the toxin that causes botulism, U.S. health officials warned on Friday.

The FDA said the affected Lakeside French-cut green beans are sold nationwide under the brands: Albertson's, Happy Harvest [Aldi], Best Choice, Food Club, Bogopa, Valu Time, Hill Country Fare, HEB, Laura Lynn, Kroger, No Name, North Pride, Shop N Save, Shoppers Valu, Schnucks, Cub Foods, Dierbergs, Flavorite, IGA, Best Choice and Thrifty Maid.

The warning applies to cans with the following codes:

EAA5247, EAA5257, EAA5267, EAA5277, EAB5247, EAB5257, ECA5207, ECA5217, ECA5227, ECA5297, ECB5207, ECB5217, ECB5227, ECB5307.

The green bean warning is unrelated to a recall last month of chili sauce, canned meat products and dog food made by Castleberry's Food Co.

Botulism is one of the most lethal toxins known, and only a tiny bit is enough to do you in. It attacks your nervous system, and if you don't get treated soon enough, you don't stand much of a chance. And even if you do survive, it's a long recovery. Very very nasty.


Thursday, August 02, 2007

Russkies


So the Russians are claiming that the North Pole belongs to them because they sent a sub down to the seafloor and planted a flag there.

I liked the response of the Canadian Foreign Minister:

"This isn't the 15th century. You can't go around the world and just plant flags and say 'We're claiming this territory'," Canadian Foreign Minister Peter MacKay told CTV television.
I also hope Santa files a lawsuit.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Song Title of the Day

"You! Me! Dancing!" by Los Campesinos!