Infidelity to Corporate Sponsorship Is a Very Very Very Serious Matter

As for me, I think it's perfectly reasonable that the Chicago Bears' Brian Urlacher was fined $100,000 for wearing a hat. Without a doubt, this infraction is:

• About three times as serious as spitting in another player's face.
• Four times as serious as kneeing another player in the groin.
• Almost seven times as serious as threatening an official.

It's always nice to calibrate your priorities, just so you're sure you've got them all lined up right. Nice work, NFL.